BullyWidgets, Cuz’s and Kids

Widget Roles In Relationships

The above key shows the conflict between Consciousness in the Upper Nature, or Altruistic part of the Brain, blowing the boat in the right direction of being a cooperative person while the Alter-ego, Dragon  of the Lower Nature, is trying to blow the mind in the opposite survival mode direction, to be mean and demanding. The Upper Nature and Conscious brain, which is almost all of the brain, is there to see reality, love or fear a situation, solve problems, and choose to act on them to improve and be happy.

 However, the Lower Nature often perceives dangers that are not really there, and wanting to save itself, will blame others in the situations, and be aggressive. If the person has been abused they often distort reality and perceives dangers not there, become selfish when it’s not needed, blames everyone but self for wrong choices, and can get mean and abusive, thinking it’s saving Self.

So we see there are four stages of the brain, first, Ant and Bee perceives the environment or Spidie distorts it. Second, Macho fear and Loving Cuddles guide our sails to the right directions in life. Or Selfish Raccoon with shallow selfish solutions may not be very helpful. Third, Geru flies over head to view the situation and studies the wisdom of the ages to be able to plan where to go and what to do, or Crow blames everyone or everything rather than looking at what really happens or works. And Fourthly, Patient Turtle and Energetic Rabbit at the helm follow through with workable solutions rather than becoming an aggressive predator like coyote. 

Cuz knows right from wrong. But without love guiding Cuz’s conscious choices, he made the wrong choice and put fighting in the gangs ahead of her. She wants to feel safe and have a safe future with him. His Upper Nature wants to help him in the relationship but his Lower Nature sees a chance to lead him astray with false beliefs and excitement. He has to figure out how to stop the Lower Nature and let the Upper Nature help him with his relationship. His little cousins are going to try and help him, for better or for worse. Each cousin has a dominant widget or widgets that reflect the Upper and Lower Natures. So their advice will be different, and help or hinder his journey to try and have a good relationship with his girlfriend. 

His little cousins and their friends will try and help him go the right or wrong direction. Each child’s dominant widget is shown trying to give their advice for Cuz. One gives good advice, the other not so good. Edgar’s dominant widgets are Ant and Bee. Ant is focused on details, so seriously looks for details. Bee, flies around looking for patterns in the immediate situations, much like a little child discovering the world. Curiosity can be a fun activity exploring and identifying what is around. But without Conscious guidance trouble can be brewing. 

But Ragde’s dominant widget is Spiedie, from the lower nature, Spidie is looking for dangers from the past and projecting them onto the future. The little devil will deceive others to prove his point. He will look at details and patterns from the past and see the same dangers today. Cuz, like all of us have had bad experiences from the past. Ragde’s male code is a pattern he has been told by others, he has not checked to see if his perceptions are true or functional. 

HOW TO BETTER PERCEIVE SITUATIONS WITH ETHNOGRAPHY.  Ethnography is the science of observations, to be more correct in what you perceive. Basically it is looking for patterns and details related to the situation. First you want to see all the related factors. In Cuz’s case his girlfriend does not like his attitude. What are the things or factors that effect his attitude in relation to her reaction. Basically you could say things that he relates to her are what he perceives, feels, thinks, and actions. So you can take a simple tally of what those factors that are upsetting her and those that do not. Each time she gets upset what were those factors with high tallies, they will show you the patterns. 

In this case the tallies showed a pattern. When he ignored her feelings and rambled on about the gory fights, how he enjoys fighting in the gangs, how he felt justified fighting, and when he would actually go fight. Ant can keep track of the degree of worry or disgust on her face in their conversations and actions. This example may seem intuitive and very simple, ethnography is simple and this pattern is intuitive in you as you have observed this pattern in females many times. But in your own tallies in your own relationships you will see many more factors and see different insights. Just keep a tally of those factors that are interrelated and see how important one is over another under different situations and conversations. Yes, you do it already but not as accurately and consciously without tallies.

Molly’s dominant widgets are Macho fear and loving Cuddles. A flower is as delicate as love, it needs to be nurtured. In any relationship we must nurture our partner like a mother to her infant, serving this baby’s needs so it can live and be happy. Cuddles is more like a big teddy bear love that sees good in everyone. Fear can protect love from loving the wrong things or people, it is always on the outlook of something suspicious to alert the Lower Nature to identify the danger and guard against it. Fear can be giddy and over react. But fear can also, with love, warn a person that their partner is hurting from their interaction with them and so they can help them feel safer. In your interactions you try one approach and observe and tally what works and what does not, then try other approaches. Observation and empathy to their emotions is the guide to what works. Again, take tally of what works to help them feel safe, loved, appreciated, and happy.  

Sue’s dominant widget is selfish Raccoon. Like a little thief Raccoon schemes, calculating for its own advantage rather than what works to make the other happy. Luck is a concept that there is no cause and effect, no patterns, no predictability, and only chance. It usually occurs when children are abused and interactions with their parents is futile to curbing their parents negative behavior, so they feel helpless. Keep tally and you will begin to see patterns in yourself and in the other. When you can separate past trauma patterns from patterns that are pertinent for today you are able to see patterns that are predictable now,  you are better able to perceive the useful details and patterns and build a relationship that is satisfying and lasting. When both of you are able to do this then both of you are in control and can plan and experiment with what works.

 

Our beliefs influence how we perceive, feel, plan, and act on situations and events. If we do not believe a relationship can be changed to the better and leave it to luck, our luck can run out. If we did not know what was really going on we can falsely blame self or others. But if beliefs are better thought out and researched we have a better chance of knowing what to do so self and others are satisfied and happy. 

Sue’s dominant widget is Geru, the bird that flies above and observes as much dynamics and interactions of others as possible for the time and moment, and checks out other’s wisdom from the past, present, and projected future. Geru looks at perceptual observations of others, such as science, emotional observations from beloved family and friends, wisdom and religions, social scientists, literature, and from situations has experienced.

Sue has came to the conclusion that fairness is an important factor in a relationship. Relationships are a two way interactions, and if it is lopsided one becomes either a perpetrator or a victim who will look for a rescuer. A third party may not be fair either.

To understand others we have to perceive reality, have empathy, see predictable patters about them, and help them to be fair. Many women feel men should understand and see their emotions without telling them how they feel. And they want them to be home with them enjoying the same actives. But they are men and not another woman. They need her input from woman as to what they need. And men will do the same and also want women to meet their unique individual or male needs. They may want them to do physical activities they can not do. They are women not men. 

Destony’s dominant widget is Crow. Crow likes a conspiracy or fabricated reality that easily blames any and all but self in most cases, or self even, when they are not to blame but fabricated facts can try and show why they are to blame. Crow can do a lot of squawking to justify being unfair. 

The more you take tally of the other person’s perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and actions the more you will begin to see their personality strengths and weaknesses. If you are going to be a team you need to plan life so you are each enjoying your strengths and not struggling with weaknesses that are next to impossible. You will not blame their weaknesses for being cruel and unjust, but can see where to divide tasks so each one is able to do it and be happy. Obsessive Compulsive people can expect others to see the same details and match their ability, like being a clean freak and seeing dirt everywhere, people with emotional problems may want the other to solve their problems, intellectual people may want the other to fulfill their logical need for more logical thinking, or physically strong people will want the other to meet their prowess at various activities, if only they could climb mountains and swim across the seas. 

We are responsible for our own perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and actions. So everyone’s Geru has to first look at their own personality and do what works for them to meet their unique needs, such as reading more, socializing more or less, understanding self and the world, and getting enough exercise. Couples often are opposites, together they cover more of the world of perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and actions. They do not cure each others but enrich each other if both parties are open to being fair and understanding each other.

The patience of Tuttle is required to understand others. Patiently observe, feel, and think before we leap. A decision we have to make at all times is do we work for instant pleasures, act out for temporary excitement and forget about being fair to others, or do we stop and think about gaining greater lasting pleasure by being a fair person in our relationships. It is easy to feel high from drugs, numb from alcohol, excited from adrenaline, and even get more tasks done, even if they are not productive tasks. But in the long run does it help? With accurate perceptions, loving relationships, understanding the world, and doing pertinent tasks we and our relationships are better and we are happier.

The pain temps us for instant relief. Cuz’s journey is to find another way.

Without love to reward us for being with others we turn for instant reliefs that can bring addictive pleasure but leave us high and dry when the dust settles. And those pleasures can be any addiction that leads us to do the same thing over and over like a broken record and stop us from doing things that will help us through all life, relationships, careers, and tasks that help us and others. All addictions are repetitive and so lower our growth and development. Cuz had to stop and think and decide to learn what works.

Hollow promises are easily seen through as promises that can not be kept. Step one, perceive correctly our loved one’s reactions.

Love is about safety and meeting our and others’ needs for correct perception, emotions, thoughts, and actions.

No blaming, its about fairness and balancing our actions and needs with theirs.

 

Is love a fight? Do we force love? Or do we change ourselves to adjust to the other person. The best definition of intelligence is adapting to our environment and others such that we and others are safe and happy.

 

 

 

Cuz went through the four stages to get the best reactions from his Girlfriend. He has the right steps, but it not an easy process,  life and relationships throw us lots of different situations. Our personalities, or combination of our own Upper and Lower Natures widgets and their different strengths and history, get in the way. Just remember this, often you do all these steps easier when you first date someone, as you are putting off your own quirky personality traits to please the other. Date your loved ones for life.

If your past traumas are interfering you need to look more into perceiving them, seeing fair assessment of others, understanding human nature, and trying new behaviors that are fair to others.

If our beliefs are scary to others they are probably coming from your Lower Nature and are unfair. Check you logic to make sure it takes into consideration how others react to it, or how it is presented.

Do things that work. There are a lot of things Cuz can do to help society without doing crime and violence.

I have not discussed Cuz’s understanding of himself and how to change. But other categories and entries on the right side bar will explore the subject of personalities, how they differ and interact, how to change for the better.  It’s a different journey for everyone.