Toxic Relationship
When Grandma and Grandpa meet they were young. He had had a hard childhood and was operating on and off from his Lower Nature. He would not always tell the truth, could be self-centered, blame others, and be a bit verbally harsh with his unfiltered opinions. She would see the hurt in him and felt he only needed extra love.
Infatuation hormones can blind us to the problems each other may have. We live on our belief that the other meets our needs and allows us to be free from the past traumas and disappointments.
As the honeymoon wears off so do the infatuation hormones that help us tolerate the other’s behavior. He begins to retreat to his old addiction of internet devices. She begins to be irritated with his lack of responding while on his devices. His attitude is more defensive and she does not like that, it begins to feel abusive, neglectful and rude.
He is feeling like she is abusive by wanting to take away his devices that have helped him deal with past bad memories rather than work through them. Not everyone is willing or able to process their past. She is feeling hurt by his ignoring her. But she recognizes his limitations.
Everyone’s limitations, needs, circumstances, and tolerations vary. His desire to not make his kids feel bad as he did as a child softens him some. She has to think about the children, her main concern at this time, plus her ability to get her needs met. They have to find that balance where they all can function at a level they are satisfied with.
He had to see his limitation on being a tyrant and what he would if did not change. She had to help him come to that realizations. No fighting just looking at realities. This process of negotiating each others needs and abilities has to be negotiated through out relationships or the relationship will turn toxic. If either party will not negotiate the relationship will remain toxic and can get worse.
Leave a Reply
Your email is safe with us.